The Wisdom of Wedding Cakes

My father-in-law used to be a wedding cake designer 🎂 making cake after cake and giving his gorgeous creations away, one week after another. It was amazing to see the intricate designs he created with icing and fondant, the beautiful mountains of wispy clouds and swirling blossoms, all carefully placed with such a light and skillful hand.

In 2018, he volunteered his other skill of home renovation to reconstruct our kitchen, knocking down walls and installing cabinets, making another gorgeous creation come to life that I could LIVE in!

I always admired his craftsmanship, whether with cakes or homes, each done with detailed precision. Not only are the creations amazing, his process is alway done with pure presence and joy.

On the closing day of our Pittsburgh, PA house in Mar 2021 I said to him, "It's so hard for me to give up the kitchen that you so lovingly made for us..."

I felt so guilty giving up his gift!

How could I possibly give away something he literally put together with sweat and tears? He designed and made that kitchen for me and my husband only a short 3 years prior to selling the house.

He said, "Mara, I made wedding cakes for a living. One after another, they were made and given away, and the next day they disappeared from the world entirely."✨

Lotus Wedding Cake from my zen-themed wedding! Designed by Vince Carlini “Creations by Carlini”

Have you ever had to give up something you made?

My father-in-law had to do that every week of his life during his wedding cake career. He had a HUGE standard:

• to make an expensive, perfectly presented 3-tier cake

• impress the bride and over 200 people every weekend with his creation

And - later that day, his creation would be eaten.

EATEN!

Giving up creations, whether wedding cakes, art, or even project ideas for work, sometimes feels like giving away a baby you just gave birth to. It’s a legit emotional amputation!

Buddhist principles often teach “impermanence” which is a law of life stating that everything we have is not really ours at all. They practice this principle by making Buddhist sand mandalas. Everything we do, have, or create must be let go eventually because it’s not really ours. It can’t be taken with us after we die, or sometimes in an hour, week, year, or 20 years, so that makes it impermanent.

On some level, we all know that truth.

Question: So since everything eventually goes away, do you choose to live your life by doing nothing, having nothing, and making nothing?

A: Absolutely not! As humans, we LOVE to do everything, have everything, and make everything! It’s the fun of being human. The key to enjoying doing, having, and creating is being in the present moment and enjoying the pure experience in the now.

Because the #1 truth still exists: nothing is permanent. Everything we do, have and make will one day disappear.

Did you know? A great way to practice impermanence AND being in the present moment is with MANDALAS, by making them and giving them away!

Wall mandala mural by Mara Carlini, 2019

Something else I couldn't take with me from my house was this wall mandala I painted in 2019. 💖 I also can't take the floors or the wainscoting we installed! But it was all fun to make and create in those moments!

Life is the building and creating of amazing things, and releasing attachment to them when you know it's time to move on.

It's a practice of letting go. 🦋

And that’s the wisdom of wedding cakes.

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What have YOU created that you’ve had to let go of? What did you do to get through it and how do you feel about it now? Let me know in the comments :)
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xoxo,

Mara

Want to make a mandala with me? Here’s how.